Nuns' canned-food offer isn't up to prosecutor's palate
Nuns' canned-food offer isn't up to prosecutor's palate
By Diane Carman
Copyright by The Denver Post
DenverPost.com
Article Last Updated:11/16/2006 12:11:50 AM MST
As a stand-up comic, Robert Brown makes a great deputy U.S. attorney. Then again, for everyone but a prosecutor, the threat of federal prison is usually not very funny.
On Wednesday, Brown met on the sidewalk outside his Denver office with the three media darlings who have haunted him for four years - the anti-nuke nuns.
"You look great," he teased. "Prison was good for you."
The Dominican sisters, Ardeth Platte, 70, Carol Gilbert, 59, and Jackie Hudson, 72, had come to town in yet another attempt to fulfill the gnarliest part of the sentences imposed on them by U.S. District Judge Robert Blackburn when they were convicted of damaging government property and obstructing the national defense in 2003.
They are trying to pay off $3,082 in restitution to the U.S. Air Force - in canned goods.
They are collecting food for military families on public assistance.
Now, all this is about as funny as a cluster bomb, but the sisters have kept their spirits high through trials, prison terms and travel bans, and they're not about to lose their sense of humor now.
When they arrived at Brown's office, they delivered cans of food, and, as with every aspect of their lives, their choices were rich with symbolism.
Hudson brought pork and beans to represent the pork-barrel nature of the military-industrial complex, and a can of corn "because this case has been so corny from the beginning."
Platte delivered canned clams - saying the American people have "clammed up long enough. It's time to speak truth to power" - and a tin of beef stew. "With the massive numbers of people who have been killed in this war, I don't want to stew over this any longer."
Gilbert selected sweet peas - "To give peas a chance" - and cream of mushroom soup, representing the radiation cloud from a nuclear bomb, a weapon that has been used by only one country in the world, she said - the U.S.
The sisters put the word out about the food drive via the Internet, enlisting help from around the world. The way they calculate it, they would need about 4,000 cans of food to fulfill the required restitution.
Boxes of food began arriving Wednesday morning, and the prosecutors were none too happy when the office decorum was insulted with cans of beans for indigent soldiers' families. "Take it four blocks down to the Catholic mission," said an exasperated Brown, who insisted the only way the restitution will be accepted is in cash.
"We're not rich. You know that," said Gilbert.
Moments later a written statement was delivered to the nuns on the sidewalk. "The U.S. Attorney's Office cannot accept food in lieu of restitution in this case," it said. The food drive is "a tremendously thoughtful act," but the nuns were directed to send assistance to a military facility or charitable agency.
Not ones to be discouraged - especially when they've got government officials looking like heartless cheapskates - the nuns held their ground, rallying antiwar groups to coordinate food collection and delivery to military bases.
They remain hopeful that Blackburn can be persuaded to accept the canned-food payment plan even though last month he rejected their first attempt at making restitution. That one offered hundreds of hours of community service as well as $600,000 raised in their names for literacy programs, soup kitchens and victims of disasters.
"This is a grace-filled holy action," said Gilbert. "Our conscience doesn't allow us to participate in war by providing any money for bombs or violence."
Brown told the nuns to take it up with the judge. Then he leaned back, took a long look at the gray-haired women in their long underwear, wool scarves, heavy socks and thick gloves, and smiled. "I have more fun with you guys," he said.
As he turned to walk toward his office, Gilbert called to him one last time. "We'll keep you in our prayers," she said.
It was not a joke.
Diane Carman's column appears Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday. She can be reached at 303-954-1489 or dcarman@denverpost.com.
By Diane Carman
Copyright by The Denver Post
DenverPost.com
Article Last Updated:11/16/2006 12:11:50 AM MST
As a stand-up comic, Robert Brown makes a great deputy U.S. attorney. Then again, for everyone but a prosecutor, the threat of federal prison is usually not very funny.
On Wednesday, Brown met on the sidewalk outside his Denver office with the three media darlings who have haunted him for four years - the anti-nuke nuns.
"You look great," he teased. "Prison was good for you."
The Dominican sisters, Ardeth Platte, 70, Carol Gilbert, 59, and Jackie Hudson, 72, had come to town in yet another attempt to fulfill the gnarliest part of the sentences imposed on them by U.S. District Judge Robert Blackburn when they were convicted of damaging government property and obstructing the national defense in 2003.
They are trying to pay off $3,082 in restitution to the U.S. Air Force - in canned goods.
They are collecting food for military families on public assistance.
Now, all this is about as funny as a cluster bomb, but the sisters have kept their spirits high through trials, prison terms and travel bans, and they're not about to lose their sense of humor now.
When they arrived at Brown's office, they delivered cans of food, and, as with every aspect of their lives, their choices were rich with symbolism.
Hudson brought pork and beans to represent the pork-barrel nature of the military-industrial complex, and a can of corn "because this case has been so corny from the beginning."
Platte delivered canned clams - saying the American people have "clammed up long enough. It's time to speak truth to power" - and a tin of beef stew. "With the massive numbers of people who have been killed in this war, I don't want to stew over this any longer."
Gilbert selected sweet peas - "To give peas a chance" - and cream of mushroom soup, representing the radiation cloud from a nuclear bomb, a weapon that has been used by only one country in the world, she said - the U.S.
The sisters put the word out about the food drive via the Internet, enlisting help from around the world. The way they calculate it, they would need about 4,000 cans of food to fulfill the required restitution.
Boxes of food began arriving Wednesday morning, and the prosecutors were none too happy when the office decorum was insulted with cans of beans for indigent soldiers' families. "Take it four blocks down to the Catholic mission," said an exasperated Brown, who insisted the only way the restitution will be accepted is in cash.
"We're not rich. You know that," said Gilbert.
Moments later a written statement was delivered to the nuns on the sidewalk. "The U.S. Attorney's Office cannot accept food in lieu of restitution in this case," it said. The food drive is "a tremendously thoughtful act," but the nuns were directed to send assistance to a military facility or charitable agency.
Not ones to be discouraged - especially when they've got government officials looking like heartless cheapskates - the nuns held their ground, rallying antiwar groups to coordinate food collection and delivery to military bases.
They remain hopeful that Blackburn can be persuaded to accept the canned-food payment plan even though last month he rejected their first attempt at making restitution. That one offered hundreds of hours of community service as well as $600,000 raised in their names for literacy programs, soup kitchens and victims of disasters.
"This is a grace-filled holy action," said Gilbert. "Our conscience doesn't allow us to participate in war by providing any money for bombs or violence."
Brown told the nuns to take it up with the judge. Then he leaned back, took a long look at the gray-haired women in their long underwear, wool scarves, heavy socks and thick gloves, and smiled. "I have more fun with you guys," he said.
As he turned to walk toward his office, Gilbert called to him one last time. "We'll keep you in our prayers," she said.
It was not a joke.
Diane Carman's column appears Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday. She can be reached at 303-954-1489 or dcarman@denverpost.com.
posted by Carlos T Mock @ 7:57 AM
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